I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
