Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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