college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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