seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
