my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
