she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
