Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
