I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
