get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
