I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
