Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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