I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My vagina just clenched in fear
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