I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
