Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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