he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
