I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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