The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
