I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
