At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
