I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
