Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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