Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
