oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
