When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
