Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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