Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
