I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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