My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
