nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
