i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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