don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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