dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
