Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
