that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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