My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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