Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
