look no pants
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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