The police scanner is talking about you again....
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
