Soap is not a condiment
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it hurts more in the daytime
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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