Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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