my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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