shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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