it hurts more in the daytime
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
