Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
