so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
