Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
