Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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