I just pynch a tree in the face
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
