I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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