omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
