She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
